She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
