You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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