hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
