My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
