but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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