I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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