Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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