i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
