How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
