I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
