drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
