i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
