I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
