I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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