You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
jump out the window naked night went bad
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
