it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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