Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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