he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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