The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
