I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
