I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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