Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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