My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize