That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
