pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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