Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
