If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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