I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
