do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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