"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
where are my eyebrows?
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