i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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