so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The power of my boobs compel you
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
