I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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