I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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