I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
