I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
