Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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