remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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