Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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