You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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