y did u give ur computer a hand job?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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