we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
