A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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