i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
