she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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