Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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