i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
