So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
