Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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