You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
