I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
