mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
