i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
