1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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