your thong is hanging out like whoa
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
