We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
