I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
