Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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