haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever