do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.