how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.