I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it hurts more in the daytime
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
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sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
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Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes