you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever