FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
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We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
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I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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