i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.