oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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