You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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