I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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