And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
