It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
