I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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