I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
