I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The power of my boobs compel you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
